Emotional Leadership
Leadership requires emotions, but not too much.
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If you read too many business books (or newsletters, hello!) you might think that the perfect leader is a robot, making decisions using cold logic and no emotion. It is true that some leaders try to lead that way, but it’s a difficult path. In most businesses, your employees follow your lead because of your emotions, not in spite of them!
No one wants to work for someone that does not understand them.
Many first-time leaders are afraid to show their emotions because they believe it makes them seem less professional. What they quickly learn is that your employees won’t feel comfortable showing their emotions to you if you never show yours to them. Having empathy for your employees is a necessary part of leadership.
For example, if you hit an important goal you should be happy and let everyone know! If your team does not see you being happy about an important goal, they might worry something else is wrong. Likewise, you should be frustrated if you miss goals. If your team does not see your frustration, they might think it’s no big deal to miss your goals.
When I say “emotions” here I mean the full range from excitement to frustration. You cannot just show positive emotions, or only show negative emotions, as that is easy to see through. People are complex and we feel the entire range of emotions.
At the same time, we cannot let our emotions rule our decision making. When that happens, your leadership is compromised because you cannot evaluate the options objectively. This happens when your emotions get too strong or out of control.
For example, I have a very bad temper. When I get angry, I get REALLY angry. It can happen so fast that I lose my ability to think clearly and my decision making becomes compromised. In those times I cannot be a leader, and it would be counter-productive to pretend otherwise.
As a result, I have spent a long time developing ways to avoid getting angry.
If I feel like I am getting angry, I stop whatever I’m doing and go for a walk by myself. I don’t want to risk saying things I would regret or making a decision in the heat of that anger. It would undermine my leadership and credibility to try and work through it, as it would be clear I was letting the anger control me.
Even if you don’t have a bad temper, it’s easy to get angry at your team if they miss a goal. Showing that anger by yelling or insulting them is not going to help, it just serves to alienate your team. Showing frustration is fine, but when it turns to anger it’s too much.
These lines are different for everyone. There is no universal definition of too little or too much emotion to show as a leader. All leaders are different and so are their teams. You need to decide for yourself what the right balance is for you and your team, and when you do you need to be consistent about it.
We are all people and people are complex. We can’t pretend that we don’t have emotions, nor should we. Great leaders lead with all of themselves, and that should be you as well. Find your balance and use it to lead your team, you’ll all be better off for it.
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